it was like his penis was on wheels.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
