So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
