you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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