Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
