so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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