I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
