dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
