I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Farmville is her only friend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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