we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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