My room smells like vodka and shame
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
