but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
