Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
