She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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