I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
