let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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