Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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