I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
