I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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