I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
