3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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