is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
