I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I could make wine with my vomit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
