So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
