Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I could fuck to npr.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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