Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if only i could text you this smell
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
