If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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