it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
