he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
