fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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