Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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