Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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