whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
