New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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