My hand turned me down
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
