Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
