i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I will be naked everywhere
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
