This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
