You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
