i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
