apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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