HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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