OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
