Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
