Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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