wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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