? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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