Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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