Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
