just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
