hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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