no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
