...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
