I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
