I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
