o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
